mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
