One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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