At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
