I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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