I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's shark week go big or go home
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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