My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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