Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
