I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
