Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
