yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm passing your future prison.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
