hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
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A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
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I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
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