Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
