Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
