Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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