My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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