Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
