Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You ruined the universe
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