Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
