You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
