what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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