so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
