omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
my liver is dry heaving
Couch. On fire.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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