i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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