You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
