in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
