My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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