If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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