That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
