You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize