You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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