I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
It was confusing and full of hummus
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
