break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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