get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
