I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
