i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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