she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
