Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
