to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
