You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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