like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
