Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I intend to get homeless drunk
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
