fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
