she looked like the before picture.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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