At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
