i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
