i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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