I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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