We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
