Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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