Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
