OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
There's even glitter on my cock...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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