thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
