Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I wish you could order shots online.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
