she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
