Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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