im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
