i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize