you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
