you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
