my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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