Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
