I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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