Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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