The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize