The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
