i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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