This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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