If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
well you can't waste a boner
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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