Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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